How To Conquer The World #5: Go To The Beach and Snorkel (and be, as those American younglings say all the time, ‘Awesome!’) (and how to go to Tidung Island)

Because this is very ‘In yer face, Northern Hemisphere!’.  Also this is my first summer in December after 3 years.

Further content of the post will be added after I have my actual trip. Which is this weekend. Please be envy please be envy please be envy…

December 15th, 2011

So as I said, I would finish this post after I had my trip to Tidung Island (C’mon, click it. You know you wanna click the link) with my friend Officer Dangdut. And I will, even when I DIDN’T have any trip whatsoever.

Oh I did have a trip, to the marina, that is. It was our first time ever there, and despite all the research we did before leaving, so little useful information we could gather, that we didn’t even know that the boat will only take 20 passengers, and it will only go twice a day, at 7 AM and 12 PM. So with this image:

Tidung Island. Stolen image from besttouristplace.com. Sorry, I didn't get to take my own photos, besttouristplace.com people! T.T

in mind, we woke up at around 4 and stood in the ticket line at 5.30 in the morning. They took 20 first passengers, I was number 21, and Officer Dangdut was number 22.

Crap.

So they offered the next boat, which was at 12 PM, meaning we had to wait for 6 more hours (!!) to get to our dream weekend getaway spot. And so we did. Waiting.

We spent time just lurking around the marina and the dirty Jakarta beach without ever leaving the perimeter (because we were so worried someone would take our place in front of the line when it’s time for the ticket booth to open) (yes, I know. 6 hours.). 3 cups of tea, 2 instant noodles, two bananas, and millions of cups of coffee later, we got back to the ticket booth at 11.30, where the officers told us, due to strong wind, the trip was cancelled.

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WTFF, WORLD??? WHAT DID WE DO WRONG??? WHY?? WAS IT BECAUSE WE WERE LISTENING TO JUSTIN BIEBER ON THE WAY THERE? IT WAS, WASN’T IT??

and so we went home~

And these are some tips for you, some things you have to take note if you’re going to Thousand Islands islands:

HOW TO GO TO TIDUNG ISLAND

1. Call a travel agent and book a tour package.

or if you are as adventurous as we the great backpackers are:

1. According to the ticket officer, If you are going on the weekend from the marina (we paid entry fee Rp. 10,000 per person), you have to be at the ticket booth at least at 4.30 AM to secure the spot on the queue (you do this by putting your stuff in the line, instead of you standing there). Weekdays: 5 or 5.30 AM. They go twice a day, every 7 AM and 12 PM (they don’t go on Fridays). Ticket booth opens an hour to half an hour before departure time, and will only sell 20 tickets at a time. You can’t reserve the ticket, and everyone can only buy one ticket each. You will have to present your ID card, and the ticket will be under your name. The price is Rp. 32,000 for one way. For your way home from the island, you can only buy ticket on the spot at your returning time, and the boat goes at 9 AM and 2PM. The trip will take app. 1.5 hours.

2. There are other options, like using speedboats at the marina. They charge Rp. 200,000 for one day return ticket, going at 8 AM, return at 3 PM. Rp. 150,000 for one way.

3. Another way is to go from another port, Muara Angke. As far as I know, they go every 7 AM and 10 AM. They also don’t have any reservation system, and I heard they will take as many passengers as they can on board, which was the reason why we didn’t go there in the first place. Less risk of dipping my DSLR into the sea, is always better.

(plus I don’t really like swimming in open water. Can never hold my head abovethe water. So the only option if I MUST swim in the deep ocean is to float on my back and back-paddle using my hands, bit by bit like a duck, without being able to see where I’m headed. But then my face will get horrible sunburn. Or I could just cling on Officer Tictac’s back if he’s around. Downside? He might wiggle me off his back after a while because I couldn’t stop myself from tickling him and leave me there floating on my back like a sad log to distract the sharks from eating him while he swim away with his head above the water like I can never do, leave me just like Rose survived and Jack didn’t.       WHYYY, OFFICER TICTAC??WHYY?? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME??? COME BAACKKKKK!!)

4. They have free parking space at the marina. There are many empty spaces in the morning. In fact, you can park your car overnight right next to the ticket booth. That’s apparently what most people do. We didn’t know. So we spent a fortune for the taxi to get there. ( Also because of course we would get lost on the way to marina, because that’s just how we roll.)

5. You can always get a room at the island, even if you don’t make any reservation. Apparently. Maybe. But if you’re worried like I was, here are some numbers to make sure about your accommodations: Hasbi Group 081511892078 (They offered weekend rate Rp. 200,000- Rp. 250,000 per room) and there’s another one but I have to find the number first (Offered a package for Rp. 250,000 per person incl. Room+Snorkelling+Bike+Meals)

6. Look as if you’re cool and ready to conquer the world. We met some groups of Jakarta yuppies there with the ladies looking uber-hip sporting the oversized shades, Ripcurl thongs (that is, flipflop sandals to you pervs), beach-appropriate outfits, fancy bags (or no bags at all), Marlboro lights, and heavy Marlboro lights voice, and the guys with Oakley shades, sandals, surfer brands t shirts, swimming shorts, and general yuppie attitudes. The best attempt to look hip that we managed to pull off was sitting sleepily under the tree next to a sewer with some thug looking old men, eating the plain bread my mum gave us and some spicy cassava chips Officer Dangdut bought from a street vendor, and wiping our fingers to our pants once in a while.

A pier at marina

How To Conquer The World #4: Understanding Love Language

 

Because love conquers. And because I have all the time in the world to read everything available online.

How is this love? Well, I don't really know. I stole this image from a website, and according to them this is love.

The Fourth Lesson

So I was browsing the internet to help me plan a backpacking trip to Tidung Island I’m about to do with my friend, when I found a post on this blog about Love Language, developed by Gary Chapman, and when I found out it involved some sort of a personality quiz, I was immediately willing to read further. (Yes, I love quiz. No, I wasn’t googling ‘How to make someone love me’ or ‘What Bella and Jacob need to read’ or ‘What to read when you are jobless and your mum is nagging you to find a job and wash the car’.)

So basically, Love Language is a set of languages you have to understand to convey your love, make someone feel loved. Obviously. There are five kind of Love Language, which potentially make you come across as a pretty cool person (you know, when people ask how many languages you understand, you can answer ‘Oh I speak 6.’ People don’t need to know that they are English and all five of Love Languages.) (Which, would make me super cool cos then I’d understand 10 languages!!!woooottt…I’m super awesome…). So bragging aside, here are the five:

• Words of Affirmation
  This can be in the form of verbal appreciation, unsolicited compliments, and encouragement. Things like “I love you” or “You look handsome today” mean the world to people of this love language. Hearing the reasons behind that love sends their spirits skyward. Insults can leave them shattered and are not easily forgotten.
• Quality Time
  Spending time and being there with the significant other —with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby— is what quality time all about. Quality conversation is very important for these people, whether it is about sharing experiences, thoughts, feeling, or desires. Quality activities, like doing activities that they love to do with their loved ones, are also a very important part of quality time. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
• Receiving Gifts
  Some people respond well to visual symbols of love. Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
• Acts of Service
  People of this love language view anything that can be done to ease the burden of others as an expression of love and devotion. This can be demonstrated by doing simple chores around the house or doing something without being asked. It is very important to understand what acts of service these people most appreciate. Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
• Physical Touch
  This love language is marked by the desire to be touched. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—these are some ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

In this case, the biggest lover I have ever had is our domestic helper Officer Linda…she makes my bed without me even asking… Inspector Shmi <3 Officer Linda

You have to understand that each person might have different Love Language they use, so in order to make yourself AND other person happy, you have to understand which language works for each person. And because not everyone is lucky enough to have a ‘mate’ at the moment, we’re not talking only about lovers or partners or people in romantic relationship, we’re talking about pretty much everyone you appreciate enough to tell them that you care about them, including your boss. (Or maybe we need the 6th Love Language here? as in the language of the jerks and the idiots who somehow managed to climb the professional ladder and throw their shits from above like Donkey Kong? not that I hate my previous bosses or whatever…)

Now the first time I read, my initial thought was that my language was more about receiving gifts and spending quality time. I love receiving gifts, just like anybody else perhaps. And I love doing stuff together with someone I care about. Or doing nothing together, in my case as a lazy ass. As long as we’re together, I don’t need anything else in the world. Except for the obvious things like money and rice.

Well the quiz didn’t really say so about me. This is my over all score (12 is the highest score):

8 Words of Affirmation

4 Quality Time

2 Receiving Gifts

7 Acts of Service

9 Physical Touch

I am, apparently very touchy. And I need someone to tell me ‘I love you’ on regular basis. Well, that can work. I can touch your neck and the touch will get tighter till you sing the words ‘I khhhooobbb yooookh’…Bad joke. Anyway, I think we all can use any of the five. They all give us good feeling about ourselves and nothing is better to boost your confidence than the feeling of appreciation. And to be able to love back, you need that confidence.

Start loving, people!

How To Conquer The World #3: Know Your Music (and David Beckham)

Because David Beckham was a conqueror himself. He conquered the fields, a spice girl’s heart, and many other girls’ all over the world in his era. Which was a thousand years ago, more or less. And because a mother is the true king.

The Third Lesson

A. David Beckham

The famous David Beckham and his less famous football team LA Galaxy are currently visiting Indonesia as part of their Asia Pacific tour, and had the honour to kick Indonesian all-star team’s ass 1-0 last night. The only exciting thing about the news for me is how apparently Beckham still has fans. An Indonesian singer whose gossips are better regarded than her voice was all over the news yesterday because she acted rather…humiliating when she had the chance to greet David Beckham.  She cried and being touchy and all that, you know, same things you’d do if you meet Justin Bieber or Robert Pattinson (that is, if you are a clueless 15 year old who doesn’t know there are more to this world than a singer with confusing gender or glittery vampire. Something like Jacob the werewolf*. Yum.)  When Beckham moved from football to soccer, for me he’s dead. Lesson to be taken: You can’t conquer the world if people don’t wear your jersey.

B. David Guetta

Since M (stands for Mother, obviously.) came back from her long vacation abroad a couple days ago, she has been unpacking tons of dirty laundry, a broken ankle, and a new fascination with David Guetta and Jason Derulo. Spending almost two months with her teenage granddaughters had given her the chance to eagerly comment on my choice of music when I drove her to the hospital to check her ankle. It’s kind of weird to say that my 59 year old mum has a favourite DJ, but she does . She said she was ‘willing’ to listen to more of David Guetta, which is another way to say ‘If you don’t have more in your USB stick, you’re a total loser, and I’m not giving you food anymore’. Lesson to be taken:

M likes David Guetta.

M has the power.

Like David Guetta = Have the power. 

*To defend my almost non-existing credibility I have to say that I’m not a fan of Twilight saga.

How To Conquer The World #2: Feed Your Cat

Because hungry cats can be real pain in the ass, as we all know.

The Second Lesson

Ever since I came back to live on the mother ship, I have been forced to wake up as early as 6 o’clock in the morning by the cat. 6 AM!!! Can a cat be more cruel??? I mean, I let her sleep with me in the room, but it doesn’t mean she can sniff my face and miaow right  to my ear to wake me up just because she is hungry. It’s impossible to conquer the world when you are sleep deprived because of a hungry cat. So my solution is, adjust the cat eating times and feed her right before we both go to sleep (or get in the room with the intention to go to sleep, even tho the damned cat will be running around the room and knocking things down for the next hour or so before she will finally rest her furry butt on your face and doze off).

(and cat as a nocturnal animal? tell that to my cat. Tell my cat that she is supposed to go catch some rats or cockroach instead of tailing me to my room and whimpering like a sad baby in front of the door when I refuse her in.)

The solution works. She doesn’t wake me up to feed her anymore, but now she wakes me up to let her out to poo.

this sad quality blackberry picture shows my feline drinking from a human glass, because that's the only way she does it. bitch.

How To Conquer The World #1: Eat Your Chilli

Yes, I, Inspector Shmi, am here to tell you how to conquer the world*. Let’s do this and make Pinky and The Brain proud. Well, maybe more like make The Brain green with envy and Pinky will just stay dumb.

The First Lesson

The first lesson, eat your chilli. Yes, chillies, or chili peppers, or cabe, or kochu,  or however you call those nasty little dipshits that burn your gut. How, you ask, can this help you to conquer the world?

Well, hear this, according to Wikipedia: Eating chili is viewed as a warrior’s ritual in Japan because of its spiciness that gives individual fear and mental block. By forcing themselves to eat chili, warriors’ mental state gets stronger and may even feel invincible when stepping onto the battlefield. Eating chili has been a popular practice among the karate athletes who use it to strengthen their minds and determination.

TL;DR? In short, eating chilli will make you a Steven Seagal. Or even better, a Chuck Norris. And who can do better in taking over the world other than Steven ‘Chungdrag Dorje’ Seagal? That’s right, C to the Huck Norris.  Chungdrag Dorje might sound like the right name for a true world conqueror, but he would just be a UN secretary general under the powerful Chucky. So, eat your chilli.

Calling dibs on conquering the world after Chuck Norris

OR.

Eating chilli regularly will make your tummy so well-adapted that after years of practice, you can take as many chillies as you want but still keeping a poker face. Next step,  after you gain the art of poker-facery, you buy all the chillies in the world and shove them down the throat of the rest of the humankind population’s, as many as you can to each person, and be the only person not having diarrhea. Last step, say cheese to your self taken coronation picture since everyone else would be too busy gushing their poop.

The flaw of this idea is sometimes, you do get tummy problems. I, Inspector Shmi, is a professional chilli eater, have been downing chillies like they were sweet cherries since, well, since my mum decided to give me chilli juice instead of breastfeeding the baby me**. And I, Inspector Shmi,  am currently having a bad case of diarrhea (which reminds me of this amusing video), which I believe is triggered by the excessive chilli-eating I have done the past few days. Oh the agony of feeling the impulse in the middle of a traffic jam….

 

* This is not totally true. Mostly because I doubt any of the ideas would really work. I mean, I’d be famous by now if any of these work,  wouldn’t I?

** This is also not true. Not that I was never a baby, but Dear Mother never gave me chilli juice. She did give me coffee when I was 7, tho.